“So, I think I know what we need to do to catch that bleeding big cat,” I said to my captive audience.
They reacted with effusive indifference. Even Jacob’s enthusiasm, which had so far remained stoically intact, seemed to be wearing thin.
“We are going to capture the tiger, people,” I began, trying to instil some sort of sense of occasion.
Jacob stood up, negotiating his way past Erin and Lori, and started rummaging in some drawers.
“We’re going to trap it in the caretaker’s cupboard,” I continued, unperturbed. “And-”
“Why?” snapped Erin.
“Well, partly because it seemed, geographically speaking, to be in a good position to pull something like this off and partly because I think it’s time we got young Raymond back in the game.”
“Young Raymond?” Erin whined.
“Sarcasm, my dear. Ask me when this is all over and I’ll explain it to you,” I grimaced at her and she huffed back. “Jacob, my good man, can I ask what you’re up to over there?”
“Erm, yes,” he replied. “I just assumed whatever crackpot idea you were going to suggest was going to involve someone leaving this reasonably safe room and so I thought we could maybe use these instead of the Tannoy.”
He placed two walkie-talkies on the desk in front of the monitors.
“Radios the security guards use,” he nodded. “Could be useful.”
“I should say so,” I laughed. “So now all we need to do is go down to the food hall and grab as much raw meat as we can get our hands on. Lori, I think you should stay here and Jacob, you keep one eye on her and the other on those monitors. Erin, you’re with me.”
“I most certainly am not,” she barked.
“You can carry the walkie talkie.”
She grabbed it from the desk and stomped towards the door.
I flashed Lori and Jacob a smile and went after her. The radio almost instantly burped static at us then Jacob’s voice came through. As we moved quickly away from the office the sound of his real voice receded into the distance as his broadcast self remained.
“I can’t see it at the moment so keep your eyes open,” he said. “But it’s not in the corridor to the lift. What?”
Static bubbled from the radio.
“Lori says she can’t see it in the food hall yet either, we’ll keep you posted once we locate it.”
“Over and out!” Erin shouted into the receiver as she stomped into the open doors of the lift and pressed one of the buttons. The doors started to close and I put my hand between them. The doors beeped and re-opened, I stepped into the lift and Erin stabbed at the ‘G’ button.
“So, Mr Detective,” Erin began once the lift doors closed again. “Whodunnit? You seem to be doing a lot more sleeping than detecting. Well, that and running away.”
“Apparently you did it because you asked me who did it rather than what they did.”
“I’m not an idiot,” she said. “You want to catch the tiger so you must be investigating who stole it or something like that.”
“Close enough,” I replied. “There’s a bit more to it than that but yes, in a nutshell that’ll be about the size of it. And as for whodunnit…”
“Yes?” her eyes lit up at the thought of the gossip.
“It could be any one of you.”
“Oh, yes?”
“Well, let’s take you, for example.”
Erin huffed and pursed her lips.
“I can say without a shadow of a doubt that I’ve witnessed enough to assume that you could conceivably be the brains behind the operation. You are conniving, manipulative, bossy and you love to be in charge but above all that you are intelligent. I think it’s entirely possible you orchestrated the whole affair, that you are this elusive Ms Pingoveno.”
“Erm. Thanks, I think,” Erin stepped out of the lift onto the ground floor. She raised the walkie talkie to her face. “Are we safe down here?”
“Still no sign of it,” Lori’s voice spat nervously. “Be careful.”
“Of course the same could be said of Lori. And she is, arguably, even more intelligent.”
“What?”
“Of course if it was either of you I would assume you had an accomplice. Not being sexist, you understand. Just the evidence as it presents itself. If Lori wasn’t just blundering around looking for her laptop and she was up to something then she certainly didn’t know how to handle the tiger, did she?”
“No, I suppose not,” Erin’s brow creased, the wrinkles drawing together to form a furrow. “Trolleys. Grab one and we’ll fill it. Have you got a pound?”
“Eh? Oh, I see,” my hand went into my pocket looking for a pound coin to put in the slot and release the trolley from its chain gang brothers. “Here you go.”
“I don’t think it’s Lori,” Erin wrestled a trolley free and started pushing it in what I presumed was the right direction. There was a whine of white noise from the walkie talkie and we both jumped.
“Sorry,” Lori’s voice was faint. “I dropped it.”
We reached the butcher’s section of the food hall and proceeded to fill the trolley with meat. Lots of meat. Chickens, ducks, mince, pork chops, beef joints and then, to top it all off, the head of a pig staring blankly as our trolley’s figurehead. It seemed strangely ominous.
“What if the tiger smells the meat and comes after us?” Erin wrestled the trolley into the lift and pressed the button to get us moving again.
“Best we don’t think about it,” I stepped inside and the doors slid shut. “And anyway, we haven’t covered Ray or Jacob yet. Both of them could be our man.”
“Ray’s the type if you ask me. Not even supposed to be here. I’m the one who decides what shifts to put him on and I can promise you he is not supposed to be here. But Jacob? No.”
“Jacob? Afraid so. Found this in his car,” I briefly brandished the claw in front of an aghast Erin.
“His car? He doesn’t-”
The radio spluttered once more into life. They’d caught sight of it. On the second floor. Where we were headed. This was really not good.
“And don’t even get me started on where the fuck Ray fits into all this. Especially the fact that-”
I was interrupted by the doors of the lift sliding open. We stared out. Nothing stared back. Yet.
I dragged the trolley pig-first into the corridor as Erin spoke to Jacob on the walkie talkie. It was around on the second floor. They didn’t know where.
“Listen, Erin,” I said as I took the radio from her. “Go back up and join them. I’ll find Ray and we’ll do this together.”
“Okay,” she said. Her face was pale and her makeup had begun seriously to falter. “Good luck.”
I grabbed the handle of the trolley and began wheeling it slowly down towards the dead end that housed the caretaker’s office. The steps echoed and I could feel my heart beating heavy in my chest. I tried not to think about it but there wasn’t really any way I was going to be able to get it out of my head.
The door was in sight. I could do this, I thought, looking over my shoulder to make sure there was nothing there. There wasn’t, but I was sure I’d heard something. I stood still and listened.
Nothing. Just the sound of water dripping somewhere far away and something else. What was it? I couldn’t quite work it out. The noise was familiar but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
I held my breath and listened harder. A burst of white noise cracked the silence, blaring out from the walkie talkie.
“Clint!” it was Jacob, there was panic in his voice.
There was that noise again. What was that-
~*~
